How to Have Difficult Conversations with Nursery Staff Without Losing Great Employees

Research shows that one of the biggest challenges facing Nursery Managers isn’t safeguarding, compliance or inspections. It’s having difficult conversations. Here’s how the right leadership skills can help you tackle issues confidently while improving staff retention.

Managing a nursery has never been more demanding.

Recruitment remains challenging, experienced practitioners are highly sought after and retaining good people has become just as important as finding them in the first place.

Recently, we spoke to nursery owners and managers across our network about the leadership challenges they face every day.

Whilst staffing shortages and recruitment were high on the list, one theme came up time and time again.

Many managers admitted they find it difficult to have difficult conversations.

Whether it’s addressing repeated lateness, declining performance, poor communication or a change in attitude, these conversations are often delayed because managers worry about upsetting staff, damaging relationships or even losing good employees.

It’s completely understandable.

After investing time and energy into recruiting someone, the last thing any manager wants is for a difficult conversation to result in them handing in their notice.

But here’s the reality.

Avoiding these conversations rarely protects relationships.

More often, it allows small issues to become bigger ones, affecting team morale, performance and ultimately staff retention.

The good news is that having difficult conversations is a leadership skill that can be learned.

With the right approach and training, managers can tackle issues confidently, support their teams more effectively and create a culture where people feel valued, supported and accountable.

Why Difficult Conversations Matter

One of the strongest messages from our conversations with nursery leaders was that many managers simply hadn’t received formal leadership training.

They’d progressed because they were excellent practitioners.

They understood child development, safeguarding and the Early Years Foundation Stage.

But managing people requires a completely different skill set.

Knowing how to motivate staff, coach performance and navigate sensitive conversations isn’t something most people naturally develop on their own.

According to the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, managers who address concerns early and provide regular, constructive feedback are more likely to improve employee engagement, productivity and retention than those who avoid difficult conversations.

Strong leadership doesn’t drive good people away.

More often, it helps them succeed.

Why Managers Put Conversations Off

When we asked managers why these conversations felt difficult, the answers were remarkably similar.

Many worried about upsetting someone.

Others feared confrontation or believed the employee would leave if challenged.

Some admitted they simply didn’t know how to start the conversation.

In a sector where teams work closely together and relationships are built over many years, those concerns are perfectly understandable.

However, delaying a conversation often creates bigger challenges later.

Occasional lateness becomes habitual.

Performance gradually declines.

Negative behaviours begin to influence the wider team.

By the time the issue is finally addressed, frustration has often built on both sides.

Leadership Training Builds Confidence

One of the biggest benefits of leadership development isn’t learning policies or procedures.

It’s building the confidence to have conversations early, professionally and constructively.

Managers who feel equipped with the right tools are far more likely to address concerns before they become major problems.

That benefits everyone.

Employees receive timely feedback and support.

Managers feel less anxious about tackling issues.

Teams become stronger because expectations are clear and communication is open.

In many cases, better leadership doesn’t just improve performance. It improves retention too.

People are more likely to stay when they feel supported, listened to and developed by confident leaders.

A Simple Framework That Works

One approach we regularly recommend is to structure conversations around four simple stages.

Prepare

Think carefully about what you’ve observed.

Gather facts rather than relying on assumptions or emotion.

Ask yourself:

• What behaviour have I noticed?
• What impact is it having?
• What outcome am I hoping to achieve?

Preparation creates confidence.

Start with the Facts

Begin with observable behaviours rather than opinions.

For example:

“I’ve noticed you’ve arrived after your scheduled start time on four occasions over the last three weeks.”

This keeps the conversation objective and avoids putting the other person immediately on the defensive.

Explore Their Perspective

One of the biggest lessons from experienced leaders is to listen before trying to solve the problem.

There may be circumstances you’re unaware of.

Questions such as:

“Can you help me understand what’s been happening?”

often open up far more productive conversations than making assumptions.

Focus on the Future

The conversation shouldn’t finish by dwelling on the problem.

Instead, agree what success looks like moving forward.

Discuss any support required, clarify expectations and set a date to review progress.

People leave conversations feeling far more positive when they know what’s expected and feel supported to achieve it.

Scenario One: Repeated Lateness

Rather than saying:

“You’re always late.”

Try:

“I’ve noticed you’ve arrived after your scheduled start time on several occasions recently, which has meant colleagues have needed to cover until you arrived. Is everything okay?”

This focuses on facts, explains the impact and invites discussion.

Scenario Two: A Drop in Performance

Instead of saying:

“Your work isn’t good enough.”

Try:

“I’ve noticed observations have been completed later than usual over the past few weeks, which is different from the standard you normally achieve. I wanted to check how things are going.”

Acknowledging previous good performance shows respect while encouraging an honest conversation.

Scenario Three: A Change in Attitude

Rather than labelling someone as having a bad attitude, focus on behaviour.

For example:

“I’ve noticed during recent team meetings you’ve seemed frustrated and there have been a few comments that have affected the wider team. I wanted to understand how you’re feeling.”

This creates space for discussion without making the conversation feel like criticism.

Listening Is Just as Important as Talking

One of the biggest misconceptions about difficult conversations is that the manager should do most of the talking.

In reality, some of the most successful conversations involve listening.

There may be personal circumstances, confidence issues, workload pressures or wellbeing concerns affecting someone’s performance.

Understanding the cause allows managers to provide support while maintaining clear expectations.

Employees don’t expect perfection from their managers.

They do value honesty, empathy and consistency.

Strong Leadership Helps Retain Great People

One message came through clearly during our discussions with nursery leaders.

Managers don’t want to lose good staff.

They want to help them succeed.

The irony is that avoiding conversations often creates the very outcome they’re trying to prevent.

When expectations are unclear, frustrations build and problems go unaddressed, good employees can become disengaged.

Confident leadership creates the opposite.

Clear communication.

Regular feedback.

Support when it’s needed.

Recognition when it’s deserved.

These are the foundations of positive workplace cultures where people want to stay and develop their careers.

Why Choose Swift Childcare?

At Swift Childcare, we believe leadership is one of the most valuable investments any nursery can make.

Great practitioners don’t automatically become confident leaders.

That’s why we’ve developed leadership programmes specifically for the Early Years sector, helping managers build confidence in communication, coaching, delegation, people management and those all important difficult conversations.

Everything we deliver is practical, relevant and designed around the real challenges nursery leaders face every day.

Our aim isn’t simply to help managers have better conversations.

It’s to help them build stronger teams, improve retention and create workplaces where people thrive.

Download the Lead and Inspire Leadership Accelerator Prospectus

If your managers would benefit from greater confidence when leading people, coaching performance and handling challenging conversations, we’d love to help.

Download our Lead and Inspire Leadership Accelerator Prospectus to learn more about our leadership development programme, designed specifically for Nursery Managers, Deputy Managers and aspiring leaders.

Alternatively, click on the link below, complete the form and we’ll send you our Difficult Conversations Scripts Pack, packed with practical conversation starters and frameworks for common situations including lateness, performance concerns and attitude issues.

Or, if you’d prefer an informal conversation about developing your leadership team, get in touch with the Swift Childcare team. Together, we can help your managers build the confidence and skills needed to lead successful, motivated and high performing teams.