Building a Team That Wants to Stay: The Power of Retention Conversations

Losing a valued member of your nursery team rarely happens overnight. Often, the signs appear long before someone hands in their notice. They may become quieter in team meetings, seem less enthusiastic, stop volunteering for additional responsibilities or begin to question decisions they previously accepted without hesitation.

Sometimes, these changes have little to do with work. But they can also indicate that someone is becoming frustrated, overwhelmed or unsure about their future.

For nursery managers, recognising these signs and knowing how to respond can make a real difference.

Staff retention in nurseries is not just about pay, benefits or recruitment. It is also about the everyday experience of working in a setting, the quality of leadership and whether people feel listened to, valued and able to develop.

One of the most effective ways to understand that experience is through a retention conversation, often called a stay interview. Rather than waiting for an employee to raise a concern or resign, leaders make time to ask what is working, what could be better and what would encourage that person to stay.

These conversations do not need to be complicated or formal. They do, however, need to be genuine. Asking the right questions is only the starting point. What matters most is how leaders listen, respond and act on what they hear.

For nursery owners, managers and aspiring Early Years leaders, learning how to have these conversations is an important part of building a stable, motivated team.

Why Staff Retention Matters in Early Years

Recruiting and retaining skilled practitioners is an ongoing challenge for many childcare providers. Nurseries need people with the right knowledge, qualifications and commitment to provide high quality care and education, while also managing staffing costs, ratios, safeguarding responsibilities and the day to day demands of running a setting.

When an experienced practitioner leaves, the impact extends beyond the immediate vacancy.

Other team members may need to cover shifts, take on additional responsibilities or spend time supporting a new colleague. Managers may find themselves pulled away from planning, coaching and quality improvement to deal with recruitment and induction. Familiar relationships with children and families can also be disrupted.

Repeated staff turnover can place further pressure on a team that may already be working hard to meet the needs of the children in its care.

This is why retention needs to be treated as an ongoing leadership responsibility, rather than something to address only when a vacancy arises.

Of course, not every resignation can be prevented. People move house, change career direction or take opportunities that better suit their circumstances. The aim is not to keep every employee indefinitely. It is to understand what influences people’s decisions and avoid losing good people because a concern went unheard or an opportunity to improve was missed.

That starts with understanding the experience of the people already working in your nursery.

What Is a Stay Interview?

A stay interview is a structured conversation between a manager and an employee designed to understand what makes them want to remain in their role, what might cause them to consider leaving and what could improve their experience at work.

Unlike an exit interview, which takes place after someone has decided to leave, a stay interview gives the employer an opportunity to identify concerns while there may still be time to address them.

For an Early Years setting, this might mean speaking to an experienced practitioner who feels ready for more responsibility, a room leader who is struggling to manage competing demands or a newly qualified educator who is unsure about their long term career options.

The conversation should not feel like an investigation or an attempt to persuade someone to stay at all costs. It should be an opportunity to understand their perspective.

A simple opening can help establish the right tone:

“I wanted to make some time to talk about how things are going for you. We value what you bring to the team, and I want to understand what you enjoy about working here, whether anything is making your role more difficult and what we could do to make this a good place for you to continue developing.”

This approach makes the purpose clear without putting the employee under pressure.

It also sends an important message: their experience matters before they reach the point of wanting to leave.

When Should Nursery Managers Have Retention Conversations?

There is no single correct time to hold a stay interview. The most effective approach is to make these conversations part of normal leadership practice, rather than waiting until someone appears unhappy.

Regular one to one meetings provide a natural opportunity to discuss workload, motivation, development and future ambitions. Dedicated retention conversations can also be useful at key points in an employee’s journey, such as after their first few months, following a qualification, when they take on additional responsibilities or when changes are made to the setting.

It is particularly important to speak to people who may be carrying additional pressure. This could include room leaders managing challenging staffing situations, experienced practitioners supporting several new starters or employees balancing work with significant responsibilities outside the nursery.

Managers should avoid making assumptions about who is likely to leave. A quiet employee may be perfectly happy, while someone who appears enthusiastic may be considering another opportunity.

Regular conversations help leaders understand the individual rather than relying on appearances.

They also help create a culture in which feedback is normal. If employees only hear from their manager when something has gone wrong, they may be less comfortable raising concerns about their workload, relationships or career prospects.

Seven Questions Every Nursery Leader Should Ask

The quality of a retention conversation depends less on the number of questions asked and more on whether the employee feels able to answer honestly.

The following questions provide a useful starting point. They should be adapted to the individual, with time allowed to explore the answers rather than rushing through a checklist.

1. What Do You Enjoy Most About Working Here?

Start with what is going well.

The answer may be the relationships with children, the support of colleagues, the nursery’s approach to learning or the opportunity to develop professionally.

Understanding what people value helps managers recognise what should be protected as the setting changes. It also provides a reminder that retention is not simply about identifying problems. It is about understanding what makes the job worthwhile.

If an employee says their team makes the difference, for example, consider how changes to rotas, room arrangements or responsibilities might affect those relationships.

2. What Is the Most Frustrating Part of Your Role at the Moment?

This question gives employees permission to discuss difficulties that may have become part of their normal working day.

They may mention administration, unclear expectations, inconsistent communication, limited planning time or feeling that their contribution is overlooked.

The instinctive response may be to explain why something happens or why it cannot be changed. Resist that temptation at first.

Instead, ask for an example and try to understand the impact.

You could say:

“Can you tell me a little more about when that tends to happen and how it affects your day?”

The purpose is not to agree with every criticism. It is to understand the issue before deciding what, if anything, can be done about it.

3. Do You Feel Supported by Your Manager and the Wider Team?

The relationship between an employee and their manager can strongly influence their experience at work.

In a nursery, support might mean having someone available to discuss a difficult situation, receiving clear guidance when priorities change or feeling confident that concerns will be taken seriously.

If the answer suggests that support is inconsistent, explore what would make the difference.

Would more regular check ins help? Does the employee need clearer expectations? Are they struggling to raise concerns during busy periods?

Managers should also be prepared to hear that their own approach could improve. A retention conversation is an opportunity to learn, not just to assess somebody else.

4. Is Your Workload Manageable?

Early Years practitioners work in a demanding environment. Their responsibilities can include supporting children’s development, maintaining records, communicating with parents, completing observations, following safeguarding procedures and working collaboratively with colleagues.

Even when the overall workload is unavoidable, the way work is organised can affect how manageable it feels.

Ask which parts of the role create the most pressure and whether responsibilities are clear and realistic.

If an employee regularly stays late to complete tasks, for example, the answer may not be to tell them to manage their time better. It may be necessary to review expectations, processes, access to resources or how responsibilities are shared across the team.

A good leader distinguishes between a performance issue and a problem with the way work is organised.

5. Do You Feel Your Contribution Is Recognised?

Recognition does not always mean financial rewards or formal awards. Often, it means knowing that effort has been noticed and that an employee’s contribution matters.

A practitioner who consistently supports new colleagues may appreciate having that contribution acknowledged. An experienced educator may want more involvement in planning or opportunities to share their knowledge.

Ask what meaningful recognition looks like to the individual. Some people appreciate public acknowledgement, while others prefer a private thank you or a more tangible opportunity to develop.

The important thing is to avoid assuming that every employee feels valued simply because nobody has complained.

6. What Would You Like to Achieve Over the Next Year?

People are more likely to see a future with an employer when they can understand how their role might develop.

In Early Years, progression could mean completing a qualification, becoming a room leader, improving leadership skills, mentoring apprentices or preparing for a deputy or nursery manager position.

Not everyone wants a promotion. Some employees want to deepen their expertise, gain confidence in a particular area or achieve a better balance between work and personal commitments.

Ask what matters to them, then discuss what is realistic and what support might be available.

If someone feels ready for more responsibility but cannot see a route forward, that is valuable information. It gives the nursery an opportunity to explore development before the employee looks elsewhere.

7. What Might Make You Consider Leaving?

This can be the most difficult question, but it is often one of the most useful.

It gives employees the opportunity to identify the factors that could influence a future decision, without requiring them to say they are unhappy or planning to leave.

Their answer may relate to pay, workload, management, working patterns, progression or changes in personal circumstances.

Do not respond defensively or promise an immediate solution. Thank them for being open and ask what improvement would make the greatest difference.

For example:

“Thank you for being honest with me. I would rather understand what matters to you now than discover later that something has been building up. Let’s look at what we can realistically do.”

The value of the question lies in the discussion that follows.

How to Respond When an Employee Raises a Concern

Asking questions is relatively straightforward. Responding well is where leadership skills really matter.

When an employee raises a concern, particularly one involving management decisions, workload or relationships within the team, it can be tempting to explain the situation, defend a decision or offer a quick solution.

A more effective response follows four simple steps.

Listen without interrupting. Give the employee time to explain their experience. Avoid immediately correcting details or comparing their situation with somebody else’s.

Clarify what they mean. Ask open questions to understand the circumstances and the impact. For example, “Can you give me an example?” or “What would a better situation look like for you?”

Agree what can happen next. Some issues may be resolved quickly, while others will require further discussion or wider changes. Be clear about what you can do, what needs to be investigated and what may be outside your control.

Follow up. Agree when you will revisit the conversation. If you say you will investigate something or provide an update, make sure you do so.

That final step is particularly important. Employees may not expect every request to be granted, but they should be able to trust that their concerns have been taken seriously.

A conversation that leads to no visible action can damage confidence more than not having the conversation at all.

What If You Cannot Give the Employee What They Want?

Not every retention concern can be resolved immediately.

A nursery may have limited flexibility over pay, staffing budgets, opening hours or promotion opportunities. Some requests may also conflict with operational requirements or the needs of other team members.

Honest communication is better than making promises that cannot be kept.

If an employee asks for a pay increase that is not currently possible, acknowledge why the issue matters to them and explain the position clearly. Where appropriate, discuss when the decision could be reviewed or whether there are other forms of development or recognition that would be valuable.

If someone wants a promotion but there is no immediate vacancy, explore whether they could gain relevant experience, take on a suitable project or work towards the skills needed for a future opportunity.

The aim is not to offer a substitute that the employee does not want. It is to have a realistic discussion about the options available.

There will be occasions when an employee decides to leave despite your best efforts. That does not automatically mean the conversation has failed. The objective is to make informed decisions, address genuine concerns where possible and create the best conditions for people to do good work.

Turning Retention Feedback Into Practical Action

If several employees raise the same concern, it may indicate a wider issue rather than an individual problem.

For example, if practitioners repeatedly mention insufficient time for paperwork, managers may need to review how non contact time is organised. If employees say they rarely receive feedback, the nursery may benefit from more consistent one to one meetings. If experienced staff feel they have limited progression opportunities, it may be time to look more closely at training and leadership development.

It can help to group feedback into a few broad themes: workload, communication, recognition, relationships, development and working arrangements.

Look for patterns, but avoid treating every employee’s circumstances as identical. A concern that is relatively minor for one person may have a significant impact on another.

Agree a small number of realistic priorities rather than trying to change everything at once. Communicate what you intend to do, who is responsible and when you will review progress.

Where feedback raises concerns about safeguarding, discrimination, bullying, health and safety or other serious matters, follow the appropriate organisational procedures rather than treating them as routine retention issues.

Confidentiality also matters. Employees should understand how their feedback will be used and who may need to know about it. Avoid sharing identifiable comments more widely than necessary.

Most importantly, close the loop. Tell the team what you have heard, what you can change and what you cannot. Even when a particular request cannot be met, explaining the reasoning shows that the conversation has led somewhere.

Common Retention Conversation Mistakes to Avoid

A stay interview should help employees speak openly. Certain approaches can make that much harder.

One mistake is turning the conversation into a performance review. Performance and development may be relevant, but the primary purpose is to understand the employee’s experience and what would help them remain engaged.

Another is becoming defensive when feedback is uncomfortable. If an employee says communication is poor, immediately explaining how busy managers are is unlikely to encourage honesty. Listen first, then discuss the practical realities.

It is also important not to make promises simply to keep someone happy. Agreeing to changes that cannot be delivered may provide short term reassurance but damage trust later.

Finally, avoid asking questions if you have no intention of acting on the answers. Retention conversations should not become another administrative task to complete. Their value comes from the quality of the discussion and the decisions that follow.

Retention Starts With Leadership

Policies, pay structures and working conditions all influence staff retention. But the way people are led shapes their day to day experience of work.

Employees need to understand what is expected of them, feel able to raise concerns and have confidence that their manager will listen. They also need leaders who can balance individual needs with the practical demands of running a nursery.

That is not always easy.

Nursery managers are responsible for a wide range of priorities, from safeguarding and quality standards to staffing, parent relationships, budgets and business performance. Finding time to support people properly can be difficult when operational pressures compete for attention.

Leadership development can help managers build the skills needed to navigate these challenges. This includes communication, giving feedback, managing difficult conversations, coaching team members and identifying opportunities for professional development.

These are not simply personal qualities that some people naturally possess. They are skills that can be developed through learning, reflection and practice.

For aspiring leaders, developing these skills early can help prepare them for the responsibilities ahead. For experienced managers, they can provide new approaches to familiar challenges and help create a more consistent experience for the team.

Develop Your Leadership Skills With the Lead & Inspire Early Years Leadership Accelerator

For Early Years professionals who want to become more confident and effective leaders, Swift Childcare’s Lead & Inspire Early Years Leadership Accelerator offers a focused route to leadership development.

The 10 month programme has been designed by Early Years leaders for Early Years leaders. It recognises that leading a nursery team involves much more than managing rotas and completing operational tasks. Effective leaders need to understand people, communicate clearly, make sound decisions and create an environment where colleagues can develop.

Staff retention is one area where these skills can make a practical difference.

A leader who knows how to hold a constructive conversation is better placed to understand concerns before they escalate. Someone who can coach and develop others can help employees see a future within the setting. And a manager who communicates expectations clearly and follows through on commitments can build greater confidence and trust.

The Lead & Inspire Early Years Leadership Accelerator is designed to support the development of leadership capability in the context of Early Years. It is an opportunity to look beyond the immediate demands of the role and build the skills needed to lead people more effectively.

Whether you are preparing for your first leadership position or looking to strengthen your existing management approach, investing in leadership development can benefit both your own progression and the team you lead.

Want to find out whether Lead & Inspire is right for you or your team? Speak to Swift Childcare about the programme, or download the prospectus to explore the details and decide on your next step.

Build a Nursery Team That Wants to Stay

You cannot remove every pressure from working in Early Years, and you cannot guarantee that every member of staff will stay. But you can create an environment where people feel heard, understand their value and have opportunities to develop.

Retention conversations are a practical place to start. Make time to ask the questions, listen carefully to the answers and be clear about what happens next. Small improvements, consistently delivered, can help build stronger working relationships and give employees greater confidence in their future.

For nursery owners and managers, the wider opportunity is to make retention part of everyday leadership rather than a response to the next resignation.

If you want to develop the skills to lead your team with greater confidence, explore Swift Childcare’s Lead & Inspire Early Years Leadership Accelerator.

Book a Call: Talk to our team about your leadership development needs and whether Lead & Inspire is right for you.

Download the Prospectus: Find out more about the Early Years Leadership Accelerator and the development opportunities available.

Swift Childcare: Specialist Early Years Training and Leadership Development.